Category: Random Thoughts

To Do or Not To Do…

1/2 of dealing with MS (and i suspect any chronic disease) really is about making good, well informed decisions.  July was a blur to me…i was on vacation, OB was here, I was limin up a storm right thru.  I blinked twice and it was over – time really does fly when u’re having fun.  Anyhoo, so this past weekend, i decided i wasn’t going to do ANYTHING!  i was going to keep my ass quiet for the 1st time in a month and just stay home and relax…try to get over July.  Of course, errands and normal Saturday stuff doesn’t count, so when i finally woke up on Saturday, i jumped in the car and moseyed on down to the barber shop – i have to get my hair cut every 2 weeks, or i’m a stark, raving, mad woman.

The shop i go to is not close but i’ve been going to this 1 chick since 1995 and she does a fantastic job, so i’m not about to go in search of another barber.  The shop is in a mall; mind you, not the nicest mall around, but for whatever reason, whenever i go down there, it is ALWAYS PACKED!  On Saturday, I actually had to park the farthest away i’ve ever parked and was actually questioning whether or not i should bother – but again, i’m a stark, staring, mad woman, so i pushed through.   Men give women a hard time about going to the hair salon and how long it takes, but i swear it’s no different in a barber shop.  they get their beards groomed, their mustaches trimmed – it’s not as long a process, but it takes quite some time and Miriam (my barber) is quite good so there are always quite a few people in front of me on a Saturday – unless i go at the crack of dawn and that eh happenin!  Well even though i was just sitting waiting (i swear it was about 2 hrs on Sat), i was ah lil tired by the time my turn rolled around.  She knows about the MS and for some reason, that day she asked me where i’d parked.  When i told her, she said that she’d get someone to go get the car for me – i could have jumped into her arms and kissed her!  The thought of having to walk back all that way in the 9something degree heat was making me even MORE tired!  I’ve learned to accept help sometimes even when i really don’t need it!

I left the barber shop and went to lunch – a gal has to eat – especially when it’s at Eclipse.  As i was leaving Eclipse, i was still feeling a little tired, but had to go get the brows done…so i headed there.  Well i got there, got out the car, took 2 1/2 steps toward the place and decided that it wasn’t worth it…nice arched eyebrows vs bussin my ass in the place because i was tired?  i chose to not chance bussin my ass.  i was also supposed to make 1 more turn that evening – instead i entered my front door and set my alarm for the night because i knew i wasn’t going another place for the day, not even if they paid me!

P.S. the eyebrows are still not done- ugh!  maybe i’ll go tomorrow.

Asshole Drivers

Indulge me…this has nothing to do with MS.

I’ve owned 3 1/2 cars – i say 1/2 because i didn’t pay for Betsey but C&I shared her.

  • Stax 1 was written off – i wasn’t driving.  
  • Stax 2 was hit by an asshole who reversed into it while it was parked.  
  • Stax 3 was hit by another asshole who couldn’t drive and reversed into the parked car and then was bol’face enuf to tell me that i mustn’t park in front my house (did i mention that said asshole didn’t even live in the complex???) 

So yesterday, G was stopped at an intersection waiting to pull out when a jackass drove right into us.    When he came out the car, he said, “where did u come from?  where were u?”  uhmm…right here jackass.  Stopped in front of you!!!

I have NO patience for idiot drivers – NONE!!  how, how, how do u NOT see a car that is stopped in front of u?????  in times like these it’s good when G is involved because a blood vessel usually bursts in my head and acc to her, I “was coming out of the car swinging!”.  she’s much more diplomatic and reserved than i.   I think that what really got me going is that the man hit us, i looked back and our eyes made 4 and then as if to say “bite me”, he pushed the car forward a bit like he was trying to move us out of the way.  I was on my way to work out and was really looking forward to it to, so that got me going too!

Anyhoo, we are both ok…he got a ticket (woohoo LOL) and truth be told the damage is not as bad as i originally thought.  Of course, now i just have to deal with the hassle of getting it fixed.

oh the drama…

HMPH!!!

There is an upcoming boatride in NY to which i’d planned on going.  I haven’t gone anywhere for the summer and i’ve actually been thinking that i haven’t been to NY in a long time, so what the hell – this was a perfect opportunity to kill about 6 stones at once.   Now truth be told, i’ve been hemming and hawing about going NY because it’s such a “walking” city that i am a lil afraid of going – but a few friends i’ve spoken to up there say, “doh worry – we will work around that; daiz no problem”…i’ve still been a little hesitant.

I’ll only mention 1 “name” in the following story…

so G comes home one day and says, “i got a call from person and a good point was brought up, i suppose…maybe u shouldn’t go on the boatride since we aren’t all going…suppose something were to happen on the boat…getting u off may be a problem…”  now, i never gave this any thought, but it is a valid point…i don’t put myself in situations that i know i (or my friends) may not be able to handle, but something like this?  no….never thought that IF something were to happen on the boat….then she said, “it’s ur call – whatever u decide to do is fine. I asked person why they called me and not u, but there was no real reason, anyway u’ll get a call tonite”  i said to myself, “self…what are the odds of something happening on the boat; it’s a valid point….hmmm” we continued talking and laughed at a few things and moved on…i continued looking for tickets.

2 days later i got a text from the person that said, “we were discussing it and we think that the boatride in ATL will be better for u to attend…call me”.  i read it,  got pissed off and insulted instantly and in that moment, i decided “Fuck it, i’m not going”.  i responded right away with, “it’s okay – i not going”.  person responded with, “what? am i not worth a call to discuss?”  At the time, i wasn’t in the mood.

Now…i cyah tell a lie…my reaction surprised me – i’m not usually one to get pissed off at alot of things, but i really was pissed that day.  I think it was the “we” in the text message that did it because i was thinking “what the???!!!???” I’M the one who’s sick not anyone else, so why not discuss with me – i didn’t care who the “WE” was.  I also got pissed because I have MS and i can’t help it nor can i do a whole lot about it so again – discuss with ME not WE 0 i felt like decisions were being made for me!!!  Well i didn’t call the person until about 2 days later – after i’d cooled down, we talked about it and they tried to justify it, but quite frankly, i wasn’t interested.  we have moved on from the incident and i hope that i don’t ever have to  be in a situation like that again because it really wasn’t a good feeling – at least not for me.

this is not to make anyone feel bad or anything like that, the person already knows how i felt and as usual i’m just telling my MS story.

+ve Attitude

I’m done with my pity party…i’m extremely grateful that i’m stable.  improvement would be nice, but stability is good news!

G and I had dinner with 2 friends a couple weeks ago.  P was running late so we were limin with H and having a good time for his birthday.  All of a sudden he said to me, “U are 1 of the srongest people i know” to which i responded, “why?”.  I think i was honestly a little confused because i so try not to make the MS the center of anything.  The conversation went on and he continued that i am always smiling, never letting anything get me down and he thinks that my attitude speaks volumes…everntually i said thank you and we moved on…

an hour or so later, P showed up…good times, lots of laughter, drinks, good food and he says, “u know u are the most positive person i know”.  it was out of left field (at least i thought it was) and he too commented on how i’m always smiling, organising a good time, limin hard and just generally very positive in spite of everything.

it’s always interesting and “warm and fuzzy” to me when people tell me things like that.  i don’t think of myself as a strong person nor do i think that i’m very positive in fact a more cynical pessimist u’ll not find.   I have come to realize that i am actually dealing with the MS in the best way possible and in general i don’t let it drag me down.  Back in the days when i would say “screw u MS” and do things that i shouldn’t, the bad days might have reared their ugly heads more, but now that i know my limitations and don’t do anything stupid, they are few and far between.

so…stability is GREAT – improvement will be greatER and i’ll shout it from the rooftops, but until then I’ll take stability any day!!

PT Assessment

well…my PT did an assessment of me this morning – it’s been 90 days since i’ve started going…

i didn’t test worse than i did when she did the initial evaluation (great news, i know!), but shit, is it really too much to ask to see an improvement (anywhere)????  On the scoring scale she uses, i believe i was 1 point better – in their book it must be at least 5 points for them to say, “yes, she’s improved!”…so as far as she is concerned, i’m stable – good news, yeah, i know but shit!  i don’t think it’s too much to ask to see something positive once in a while.

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