Category: Random Thoughts

i hate being sick; having MS!!

that’s all; no funny stories, no lamenting or feeling sorry for myself.  i just hate it; it’s a pain in my ass and a big inconvenience.

i went for my “fusion/juicing” on friday and was told that they are going to retest me for the JC Virus to rule out the chance of a false +ve test.  I told the woman (in my usual pessimistic way) that there was no need to retest, in my opinion, because it’ll come back +ve again- no false results round here.  steups…not sure exactly when i’m going to get the results, but anyway.

so i’ve noticed something that happens and it kinda scares me but…with anything that happens (more than once and) out of the ordinary, i take note and run it by whomever i see when i go in for the infusion.  i’ve noticed this 3 times so far – don’t remember the first time it happened, but definitely took note the 2nd and 3rd times…

someone will say something to me and i think of something completely different – WTF?!?!  like i said, the 1st time it happened, i was having a conversation with G and i only remember saying to her, “oh, u said (whatever) and i was thinking (whatever)…the 2nd time, someone said, “yeah chemotherapy is not good for cancer patients” and i said, “really?” and in my mind i just didn’t understand how the 2 even went together.  why?  because i was thinking of CHIROPRACTOR.  the 3rd and most recent time, someone said to me, “yeah i’m flying into Ft. Lauderdale airport because it not that far from Miami”.  he clearly didn’t notice the “deer in the headlights” look that i gave him (because he jes kept talking) because i was thinking, “r u a mad man, y would u fly into Orlando to go to Miami???” (for those who don’t know, Ft. Lauderdale and Miami are about 30-40 mins apart where as Orlando is bout 6hrs north of both).

Friday when i went in, i ran it by Beverly (hopeful that there was no relation and it was just a fluke) and of course, it’s an “MS thing”.  it scares me; it’s hard enuf to deal with the physical problems that i have, does this mean that it’s starting to attack my cognitive thinking and i’ll have to deal with that too or is this just a flare up that will last for a specific length of time and then go on its way????

*sigh*

I can’t really express how touched i am by this…

i really like my gym…it’s small, small enuf for me to “walk” around (read “hold on to my trainer” – lol) and do what i need to do.  I mentioned one time before that this woman walked up to me and told me that i am her inspiration.  She tells herself, “if she can do it, so can i!”…and i swear she’s there everytime i’m there, sometimes i meet her there and leave her there too!  i never ever thought i’d ever get to the point that i’m at where i actually look forward – nah, i don’t look forward to it – enjoy working out. lol

anyhoo, so i’m also learning that she’s not alone.  couple weeks ago i was leaving and as i was walking out, a woman who’d just pulled up said something along the lines of, “aw geez!  u’re leaving???  i missed u, i missed my motivation” 🙂  it’s nice to hear those kinds of things from complete strangers.

Last nite, i was walking out and, in the gym is one place that i ALWAYS move aside to let people pass.  so this man was behind me and i moved aside for him to pass but he refused, told me to take my time and keep going.  well as we got to the door, he started tellin me about this man who “heals everything” blah, blah, blah…when i asked him the man’s name, he said, “i don’t remember” – ok guy!! anyhoo, we continued talking and don’t u know it, his brother has MS too (what are the odds)!  He talked about the fact that he admires what i’m doing (out there in the gym staying active) because his brother is the complete opposite and stays at home and does nothing (there are differences; his brother is in a chair and is in pain some days).  he said that he really tries to get his brother to go out and do stuff but nothing works.

i’ve said this before and i’ll continue to say it, “MS is a wretched disease”, noone can be blamed for how they deal with having it (or any other disease for that matter).  Yes, maybe having a positive attitude is a good thing, but that isn’t easy – nor is it easy to maintain ALL the time.  Now, i didn’t get into any other details about his brother, but there’s just no telling what he might be going thru at any given time that might make him feel that the best road for him to take is to stay at home and do nothing – it’s his choice.

One thing i really really miss about being away from home is the abundance of fruit that we have at our disposal.  everybody have at least 1 fruit tree in their yard – we had a plum and cherry (and not the variety u can find here either – ours better!).  i took advantage but i wish i had a real appreciation for fruit back then like i have now – i could actually live on fruit easy easy.

Anyhoo, one of said fruit is a soursop.  boy do i love me some soursop – especially the ice-cream!  i went to check 1 of my “mothers” the other day and the conversation turned to “tea brewed from the soursop tree leaves”.  Apparently the word on the streets (these days or maybe i just found out) is that this tea is better for cancer patients than chemo; some go as far as to say that it cures cancer.  hmmmmm, if it cures cancer, what might it possibly do for MS???  i did some digging around and it’s supposedly an immune strengthener and has quite a few medicinal benefits, so yes, i’ve started drinking soursop leaf tea 🙂 I figure it cyah hurt, what do i have to lose?  the kicker tho is that it makes u sleepy!!! UGH!!  so i hadda watch when i drink it so that i don’t fall asleep on any of the numerous calls i have throughout the day – lol

 too bad the leaves don’t have just a hint of the fruit taste…

Ah gone so!