that Fear of Falling

Funny – falling is no longer a big fear of mine really; the fear is now the effect of the fall.  Unfortunately, falling has become a part of my life…when i fall, i hope for a “good” fall – no injuries, no pain, nothing; I can laugh, get up and go on with my life.  Now, don’t get me wrong, of course i don’t want to fall and i always try to stop it from happening, but when it does, i brace myself and hope for the best!

The other day i was working out with Reggie, my personal trainer who’s really good with me and understands that i need extra help to get from here to there, most times.  He let me go for a brief second to go put away some weights and i felt myself starting to topple over.  A few loud noises/half screams and he was right there at my side, even though it turned out to be a false alarm and i was able to “catch” myself.

Nite before last, I said to G, as i was making my way up the 1st flight of stairs, “good thing we live in this house”…she didn’t understand because of course at the time i was actually making my way up the 1001 steps that we have.  I explained…the house in which we lived prior also had steps of course, but it’s the steps leading up to the house that would have been a bitch for me.  There were only about 6 and they were wide BUT there was no railing AND it was flanked by those prickly shrubs ON BOTH SIDES.  I have a vision in my head of falling off those steps and into the bush – the picker bush – ACK!!!  (it actually makes me feel a lil ill)

thank goodness it will never happen as i have absolutely no reason to ever go back to that house but…

Falling…again – as usual!

i’ve mentioned before that anytime i fall, i laugh hysterically…especially when i realize that it’s a “good fall” – no injuries, pain etc, jes a plain ole fall.  Is that normal?  is it smart?  maybe not, but it is what it is and that’s how i react.  not sure if it’s because i haven’t been in a completely embarrassing situation or what but it only occurred to me on Saturday nite that other people may not find the humour.

I was actually holding on to someone as we walked out of a house and quite frankly, i don’t even think that we were walking at that moment.  Not sure what happened, but i just started leaning and eventually fell and of course, i started laughing.  CQ, however, was lil mad that it happened “on his watch” – he wasn’t laughing!  i tried to tell him that it was okay – no worries; Lord knows that i fall all the time and am used to it, but he wasn’t hearing it.  The same thing happened a few weeks ago with another friend who was helping me with something…i kept falling and she kept saying, “she keeps laughing, but i really am trying to help.” I knew she was, but i probably wasn’t helping the situation by laughing like a jackass all the time.

  • Maybe deep down inside, i’m actually embarrassed and just need to deal with it so i do so by laughing?  who knows…
Maybe i need to rethink my reaction because it’s not always as funny to everyone else as it is to me…not making any promises on that right now, but it is something that i think i need to think about/be aware of.  I’m not going thru this alone, so i do have to take other people’s feelings into consideration.

AARGH!!! – Story of my Life (these days)

Well…i fell down again yesterday and had to go to the ER.  all in all, could have been much worse….Steups!!!

I was shaky after physical therapy, so it makes sense Y i fell (i s’pose)…what doesn’t make sense to me is that i didn’t hit anything, on my way down (just because of where it happened), but i have a black eye,  a bruise on my upper arm and a small one on my foot (all on the weaker, left side to boot).  i look like a boxer – with that swollen, purple eye.  It just so happened that I am off tomorrow and Friday – good thing, so i won’t be very stressed out at work, so hopefully it’ll heal properly.

 
My eyebrows are still HOT!

they did a CT Scan and everything looks good, so don’t have to worry about that – it’s just that i’m a Tyson look alike for now and a few more days to come i s’pose.  It appears that the swelling moved down my face too (my face looks a lil distorted there)  – my cheek is now swollen but the side of my head isn’t.

argh!!! “happy” “happy” times!!!

My Worst Nightmare

has happened…

just the other day i was talking about the steps in my house.  Yesterday i tumbled down – sorry, catapulted down 1 flight of steps.   (If i do say so myself, i think i would have scored a perfect 10 for my flips – twice) 🙂 I started at the 4th step and landed on the floor right by my front door (12 steps down) – on my side.  I was alone – actually i was glad that no-one saw because I’m sure it looked worse than it felt and it felt BAD.  After it happened, i composed myself and limped to my desk.

I actually went for a record yesterday, i fell 3X!!!  After the 1st one,  i didn’t realize that my ankle was gone and i fell twice again afterward because i just couldn’t put any weight on the ankle.   those times i actually did the usual and laughed because i was in so much shock – the 1st one was no laughing matter.

there is GREAT news…it ended extremely well – all i suffered was a sprained ankle; i didn’t hit my head, i didn’t hurt anywhere else.  in fact i don’t even think that i bruised where i landed.  I went to an urgent cars facility and left with a boot and a pair of crutches – so i’m fine – no need for anyone to worry.

Needless to say, i’m working on the middle level as opposed to all the way down this week.

Falling

I haven’t talked about falling in a while and trust me it’s NOT because it hasn’t happened…the thing about falling is that when i trip (or whatever to cause the fall), i always try to “catch” myself to avoid – this is normal, i s’pose.  But the times that i actually fall is when i realize “shit – this is not going to work” and i just resign myself to hit the ground and hope that i don’t hurt myself or land on my face.

That happened one morning last week…i’m really not sure what the hell happened but i knew that the fall had potential to be a great disaster.  I think that I’ve mentioned before that I’ve noticed that it’s almost as if my legs need to warm up before they work “properly”, so who knows just how shaky I was that morning.  All i know is that I was somewhere between the porcelain goddess and the sink which had more stuff than usual around it and so there was no telling how the tumble could end.  I tried, I tried, I tried to hold on to something/anything to balance and then eventually, i said, “fuck it, i’m going down!”  It wasn’t as disastrous as I’d anticipated, but there was a helluva lot of noise.  My mother said (yes she’s back) that it was the fastest that she’d ever climbed stairs (she was downstairs in the kitchen and heard the noise).

By the time she got to me, I was already down – of course – and had decided that i was going to finish brushing my teeth before even bothering to try to get up.  And the end of it all, I only had a bruised thigh to show for it – could have been MUCH worse!

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