Author: Stax

*sigh*

it’s Carnival Monday…i can’t help but feel nostalgic at this time of year.  I not going home for carnival (i’ve said that too many times on this blog already), but i can’t help but get into the music, the vibe, the fetes, the various live feeds.  it never helps that it’s 80-90 degrees there but 50-60 here.  At least this year i’m actually off today and tomorrow, so i can pretend 🙂

For the Trinis, enjoy my favorite Soca Monarch performance!  I’m a die hard Machel fan from long long time, but i feel that Prophet shoulda take home the prize Friday nite!!

the Cane Itch

i’ve been having an itch to buy a new cane for a few weeks now so i finally decided upon the “bull organ” cane.  figured it would be a cool talking piece and a nice addition to my “fleet” of canes.  Alas, the cane gods had other plans for me…the site from which i usually order only offers them in 2 sizes – 34 and 36, and it would be nice to be tall enuf for a 34″ cane, but i’m not so the bull organ from that site is not in my future.  I found another site from which i can order it, but it would cost 100+ and i’m not at the point where i’m will to pay more than $100 for a cane!  bull penis or not, i’m not willing to spend that money.

So i had to settle for something else.  i bought an ergonomic one – i had to select whether i needed a right or left hand one and the thing came andi couldn’t work it – ergonomics and all!  LOL!!  I was convinvced that they’d sent me a leftie cane instead.  Well i gave up and left it for G to give it a try; she figured it out and of course i felt like a jackass when i saw how easily and comfortably it actually fit in my hand.  i also bought another black one that is pretty normal, but it’s nice and sleek with a silver collar, so i don’t have to use the beat up starter cane all the time – I don’t use the Smuggler Cane as much.
 
I’m happy with my new purchases…using the black one today when i go for my infusion 🙂

so…

hated my house last nite.  steups!!!  i worked out yesterday and all i did was a whole setta ab work – wasn’t even on my feet for any of the time and when i tried to go upstairs, i could barely make it.  swear i took 10 mins to climb the first flight of 16 – was awful. ugh!  at one point about 3/4 way up, i almost convinced myself that i could just sleep there for the night.

It’s only 16 steps per flight, but it certainly seemed like this last nite!

As much as some people thank me for being honest and open here (and i am), i don’t always share everything that i might be feeling/experiencing.  Anyhoo, i’m ready to share this story below here now.

so for the past few months, i’ve noticed that my left hand appears to be spastic as well. it used to be that i would notice it only when my legs were fatigued – really weird, that my legs were fatigued, so my hand would act up!  At any rate, what i used to notice is that it would tend to curl up (if u will) on its own and i noticed it only when i was walking if my arm was just hanging by my side.  These days, especially at the end of a working day of lots of typing, i tend to lose almost all functionality.  it curls up and i can barely find the strength to open it, far less use it to do anything.  It’s depressing at times, but as usual, it is what it is – what can i do?  I’m dealing.

Life Without MS

Last weeek, i found myself wondering about how my life would have been like if i didn’t have MS.  of course, the truth is i have no clue.  would my life have been better?  worse?  who knows?  there are 2 things that i can say without a doubt: 

  1. I’d be dancing/winin up a storm at all the fetes i’ve been to and will be going to in the upcoming months – Carnival season is in full swing at home with the culmination on 2/20 and 2/21, so there’ve been a few fetes here and Atlanta carnival will be in may so fetes for that will start when everyone comes back from Trinidad.
  2. I would definitely have more money in my bank account – without doctor visit copays and coinsurance payments and deductibles etc, i would be that much richer

Do i wish for a body without MS?  hell yeah!  who wouldn’t????  I’ve heard stories of people who are glad that they have MS…am i one of those?  absolutely NOT – i’m sorry, but i don’t understand that train of thought.  but, do i hate my life because I have MS?  of course not.  I’m had to make many adjustments and there are times when i look at everyone jumpin up and carryin on because of some of the sweet soca released this year and WISH i could be out there with them, but hey, i really have nothing to complain about. 
The other day at a Superbowl lime, someone whom I’ve seen at numerous fetes (don’t know who she is or her name) stopped me as i was walking past and told me that she really admires/loves my attitude (I guess u can’t really  miss me anywhere, i’m the only 1 with a cane)!

so, life is good!  life is sweet (even with MS)!!

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