Author: Stax

it’s kinda funny (now).  the first few times it happened, i was appalled but when i realized that it will happen regardless, me cyah bother be concerned anymore…what can i do?

Almost everyone i “hold on to” to walk with gets a lil feel up of my breastesess – LOL!  so how it works is that i hook my left arm into theirs and walk – well at some point, it almost always happens without fail, that i end up rubbing my boobies against them.  It’s to the point now that it’s a running joke between KI and me and he’ll say something along the lines of, “i think is time for a lil feel up today”.

Like i said, the 1st few times it happened, i felt a lil shame/appalled even, but when i realized that it will most probably happen, i just let it go.  I often wonder tho if other people feel bad when it happens.  Maybe the men don’t mind – they might feel a little ahow at first but eventually i’m sure they don’t mind at all 🙂  the women?  i dunno – maybe they feel weird and hope that it doesn’t happen again?

so!  if you read this blog and u’re ever in a position to walk me anywhere, rest assured that it’ll probably happen and it’s no big deal!

i mean, wha’s a lil feel up between friends 🙂

A few posts ago, i mentioned the Voice Recognition Software.  I spoke to my manger to see what kinda approval i’d need for it to be installed on my laptop.  My intentions were to buy it and do whatever i had to do to get it installed.  Lo and behold, after we did the research, we found out that it’s one of the approved applications under the disabilities act for associates, so WOOHOO!!!  i dint have to pay for a thing.  all we had to do was get my doctor to fill out some paper work, wait for me to be assigned a case manager and BOOM!, everything would fall into place.

2 weeks later, the case manager contacted me and asked for my computer name so that Dragon Naturally Speaking software could be pushed to my laptop – things were moving along smoothly.  The next person who contacted me was the tech.  He asked me if i worked from home or if i was in an office.  when i told him that i’m at home, he said that he would try but chances were that i would have to connect directly to the network in a bank location…uh oh…okay, i can make that work.  Now, you have to understand, the last time i got dressed and went to an office was sometime back in 2009 (maybe 2010) i think.  LOL – do i even have clothes to wear to an office???  LOL

Because of my limitations, it’s not easy for me to go anywhere willy nilly…i have to make sure the walk isnt’ too long, there is connectivity (the last time 1 of my teammates went into an office, she had to turn right around and go back home because there weren’t any cubes from which she could work).  Everything has to be just right and be in order the 1st time that i get there (my old office closed down so i really don’t have anywhere to go that is a sure thing), I just can’t afford for shit to happen so i figured if i go to a branch, i shouldn’t have any problems – they have to be in working order!  (for those of you who might be wondering, i work at a bank).

So last week thursday nite, i dig thru my closet and find something to wear the next day.  I woke up extra early Friday morning, got dressed and drove to the Emory banking center (i used to work there so i know the lay of the land.  of course the office that they put me in couldn’t be further from the bathroom, but hey!), plugged in and contacted the tech.  He started the installation at 10AM that morning.  At 3:00PM, i got the company license to register and activate my newly installed Dragon Software and got an error message that i was entering the wrong thing.  okay, no problem, i’ll copy and paste this time, so no room for error.  what???  it’s wrong again?  what the?!?!  i contacted my case manager.  she said, “do u have Dragon 11.5?”  i looked….don’t u know the stupid ass man installed 11.0 so now what do i have to do?  find more clothes, haul my ass off to the banking center AGAIN and sit and wait for the 5hr installation of the 11.5 version – STEUPS!!!  Doesn’t he know that i have MS and this is all a process???? (and it may not be easy one either)

I guess i should look on the bright side…i am getting it installed and it’s all for free – let’s not lose perspective here, but is it too much to ask for people to do what they are supposed to do the 1st time around???  fcukin-a!!

i hadda preface this post by giving a little history.  I guess that most people are somewhat curious, so alot of times, i’ll be out and about and someone will ask me what happened or what’s wrong.  Other times, the question is “did u have foot surgery, or did you hurt your leg?”.  when i’m asked those type of questions, my standard answer is, “I wish i had surgery (or was injured) because that would mean that i’ll heal…no, i have Multiple Sclerosis.” and the conversation will either stop there (sometimes, i can tell that the person is a little embarrassed ( maybe because they wished they weren’t so fas – not that it bothers me?) or go on.

so…Saturday was a boatride on Lake Lanier.  We are in the middle of a heatwave – the high was 106 degrees, so even though i was feeling somewhat alright (sitting in AC in the car), my body was not.  J carried me to the boat – as the people in the south say, “Bless his heart” because it wasn’t a short walk (he actually split the distance in 2 and took a lil rest in between) and then even when we got on the boat, KI took me up the stairs – i’m still a little unsure of how he made that happen.  so in other words, ALL the passengers knew that obviously, there was something “wrong” with me. 

Anyhoo, so we set up my chair and get situated and i’m sitting trying to get cool and this chick comes up to me an introduces herself and the conversation goes like this:

so Learls called me last nite and told me that she got a very “angry vibe” from me in my last post and that i should stop cussin the MS.  Truth be told, I was just telling the story and didn’t mean to give off that vibe at all.  I told her that i might have been a little frustrated at the time but definitely not angry and then i thought about it…come to think bout it, at the time i wasn’t even frustrated.  In fact, i can think of alot of other times when i was angry or frustrated or even got depressed but this certainly wasn’t one of them.

She acknowledged the fact that i can be angry at it, angry at the fact that i have it but at the same time i should remember that we really have nothing (not too much) to complain about.  it’s true – i really don’t. 

• Am I grateful for MS?  hell no! I’ve heard stories of people who are glad that they have it because it made them pause, take stock of their lives, if u will and they are grateful for that.  Am i one of those?  No sirree Bob!
• Do i wish that i didn’t have it?  But of course!  the pills, the monthly infusions, falling all over the place, being worried about falling all over the place, the uncertainty and i can go on…
• Is it the absolute worst thing that has happened to me?  that is still out for discussion
• is my case the worst?  NO!
• is my case really bad?  No – it’s bad (in my book) but it’s not really bad
• Should i be thankful for what i have to deal with?  Yes

so…was i angry last week Saturday?  not at all.  is it okay to cuss the MS?  yes…but not all the time or too too often; karma is in fact a bitch!  Saturday was just another ordinary day in the life of Stacey with MS; I was just telling my tale.  I was just going back to the title of the blog: