(my)Life’s Ironies

I’ve said this many times on this blog and anyone who knows me or is around me can attest to the fact that there is always method to my madness. In my apartment, I have things in certain places for a reason. Yes it, depending on what it is, could be because it looks good there but oftentimes it’s because it’s easy for me to get to or, it’s being in that position makes my life easier somehow. Everybody keeps the small garbage can in their bathroom next to the porcelain goddess. I don’t. I remember years ago the parents were visiting and every night I went into my bathroom I’d find the bin next to the toilet and every night I’d move it and put it where I needed it. And then one night, after I’d moved it, Learls came in, picked it up and said, “every time I put this in the right place, somebody moves it.” I took it from her and said, “no ma’am. Every time I put this in the right place, somebody moves it.” She never touched it again. Always a reason for the way I do things and the places where I keep everything in my space.

Setting the stage here:
There is a stool in my bathroom. It’s where I sit to get dressed and organise myself when I have to get ready to do anything. It’s always roughly in the same spot. I went out Saturday and for whatever reason, as I was leaving the bathroom, I pushed the stool much farther away from its regular spot. Why did I do that you ask? Wish I could tell you.
I take a few pills everyday – 1 set in the morning and the other whenever I’m getting ready for bed. I can definitely tell if I’ve forgotten to take either set but forgetting the nighttime set is much worse. I am unbelievably stiff in the morning and getting out of bed and subsequent movements are no fun. As a result, I really try my best not to forget to take those pills.

Saturday gone now:
I went out and as usual, had a great time with the inner circle and J dropped me off a little after midnight or so. I parked Optimus in his spot in my office closet and walked to my bedroom. As I entered my bedroom, I made a beeline for my bed and then thought, shit. Pills. Every now and again when I’m heading out, I take them with me, but Saturday I didn’t – go figure. I turned around and headed for my bathroom and as I crossed the door, I got the strongest scent of soap or something in there that made me feel a little off. And then the nausea started and I could feel cold sweat coming on (I’ve mentioned this numerous times too – my issues related to ms are multiplied tenfold any time my body gets “out of whack”). There have been times in the past when I’ve felt sick; it’s like a wave of sickness (the best way I can describe it) because I feel nauseous and think I may end up throwing up and then 5/10 minutes later, the feeling subsides and it’s like nothing ever happened and I’m as good as can be. Of course, when it happens, I just want to sit and let it run its course – the last thing I want to be doing is, you guessed it, walking! Taking steps at those moments is the most difficult thing and of course, that’s what I was doing Saturday night. GREAT!

And guess what? Had the stool been in its normal spot, I would have gotten to it and been able to sit this thru. But it wasn’t – I’d pushed it back. I was leaning on my bathroom counter, willing myself to keep pushing forward and stay upright. All I had to do was take about two steps and reach out with a small lean and the stool might have been within reach but of course I was also afraid of what could happen if I actually leaned too. I could do neither. Eventually, my knees gave out and I went down. Beautiful! All in all, it wasn’t horrible, I suppose…it was a soft fall; I didn’t go crashing to the floor, I didn’t hit my head, no broken bones or bruises. Truth be told, the cold floor was also just a little soothing; the fall momentarily distracted me from the fact that everything happened because I was feeling sick. I eventually got back up (with help) and made it to the bed where I was trying to go in the first place had it not been for those damn pills!

All’s well that ends well. I can’t say what kind of inner strength I had prior to this disease but I think that it’s okay for me to say that I possess a herculean amount of it now. I think that it’s amazing I don’t cry or feel down more often, just having to deal with my entire situation and some of the shit that is thrown my way on a regular basis. Anyhoo, I gone so…hol’ it dong till next time.